What makes you a whore?

As a modern woman, I have been called a whore, a slut, a bitch, every degrading word society can muster. I think you did too. Whether it was on the internet, during an argument with an ex, after rejecting someone, or simply, every day on the street, these labels cling to us like shadows.

But what is a "whore"? The word appears everywhere, in art, media, and daily conversations. White, Brown, Asian, and Black women can be whores. It doesn’t matter if you’re an obedient wife or a rebellious teenager, it wouldn’t matter if you’re wearing a short skirt or a full veil, they don’t care whether you’re messy or clean, men will find reasons to call you names. They take a measly look at you and believe they’ve figured you out. But weirdly enough, a man can never be called a whore, whatever he does, wherever he goes, he’ll never have the fear of being shamed. Instead, he’ll be praised as a king, or just a man who loves women. Never a whore.

So, what makes someone a whore? Is it when you have your first period, even if you had them as early as 9 years old? Is it smooth legs or how your shoulders are carrying your head, that would certainly disturb the boys at school. Is it your laugh, are you being too loud, attracting too many eyes, do you have to quiet down? Even so, the way you’re quiet and obedient doesn’t fail to turn on men. I mean, you’re acting so mysterious, you’re obviously trying to tempt all of them. Is it because of your mouth, your face, your eyelashes, is your skincare and your lip liner a cry for you to get brutalized in bed? Oh my, how insensitive of you to be wearing glasses, you’re obviously playing into men’s fantasies, you must be a slut, surely, you like it rough. It’s totally delirious, I could continue all day long but it would remove a couple of years of my lifespan because of how stupid it is.

The issue is that this madness is everywhere, deeply embedded in our society. The instant you step outside, no matter how old you are, people observe you, they judge you, for the way you walk, the amount of eyeliner you put on, or maybe how you dared to wear red. What a slut you are. I knew I had nowhere to escape when older women, the aunties who should protect us, participate in this cycle, criticizing and mocking us to shield themselves from judgment. They act as though putting us down elevates them, earning them approval in a game rigged against us all. When they realize they’re being unjustly disregarded because of their beautiful wrinkles by men their age, I believe they’ll find happiness.

The technical definition of being a whore is as follows: “a woman who has multiple sexual partners: a woman who is sexually promiscuous.” The definition in itself is erroneous and simplifies the term too much for my liking. Let’s go back in time where we can maybe find the answers to our questions.

To be a whore in Ancient Greece and Rome, was to be different. Women were largely confined to domestic roles, their worth measured by their ability to bear children and maintain the household. Deviations from these roles often led to severe consequences, including public shaming and exclusion. During the witch trials of the medieval and early modern periods, women who defied societal norms, whether through independence, knowledge, or perceived promiscuity, were accused of witchcraft and executed. They’d hang you in public and mock your weakness, which was your womanhood. Your last breath was taken around men who killed you for being too much of a human then raped you. Ironic, right?

In the Victorian Era, in which women were idealized as paragons of virtue, you might think it was better—you’re wrong. We were subjected to moralistic scrutiny. Prostitution was rampant, yet women in the trade were vilified, while their male clients faced little social or legal repercussion. This pattern underscores the hypocrisy of patriarchal systems that both demand and punish women’s sexual availability. I must add that a lot of these women couldn’t work and live without a man supporting them, so they had no choice but to sell their bodies. Others did it because they were simply exploring their sexuality. They were absolutely shamed by the same men that took their services. A man can explore his sexuality, a woman is just a trollop for doing so.

I’ll not go into great details of the amount of rape cases in those times. But you must know that women were seen as objects, like we have dishwashers and vacuums in our homes, men had women. They could beat them, kill them, violate them; it was their "god-given right" to dispose of their girls how they wished. We were nothing without men. We were defined as mothers, daughters, or wives, not as our own person.¹

You must think that in today’s day and age, after women have gained their rights and are part of active society, that maybe it is better. Yet again, dear reader, you are wrong. We are whores the moment we learn how to speak, or is it the moment where our boobs can be seen through our thin cotton shirts? With the rise of porn culture, social media, and incel ideology, we women are in terrible danger. I can’t count the number of horror stories I’ve heard coming from little girls that are 5 to women who were married for many years. We have to walk armed with our keys and be wary of any man coming to talk to us. When harmed, we are not believed, we are discarded, we are shamed. Doesn’t this echo the past?

To be a whore today is to be a bit mean to the poor little man you’re not allowing to undress you. It is seeking attention. Matter of fact, there is a whole term for that: Attention-seeking whore. But do women really seek attention, precisely attention from men? Or is it that everyone around is pointing out every little detail about them? Women can’t do as much as take care of themselves without being gaslit to believe that they’re doing it to be lusted over. To be a bitch is to know your worth and not let anyone put you down. It is to have opinions, to not be scared of men, and to not idolize them. You’re a bitch when you make your voice heard in a room full of men. You’re also a bitch when you ignore them but you’re a slut when you don’t. And I don’t even want to know what you are to them when you sleep with a man outside of wedlock.

In these very “obvious modern times”, men have the power to label you something as diminishing as whore. Those 5 letters can ruin your life in its entirety. You are not seen as a human being but as a sexual object. Your actions are not seen as smart but calculating, you’re disregarded all the time, but you are still pried upon by men. You cannot breathe at all because people can choose when to destroy you. Society has convinced us that it is normal for us to always look out for the next whore. I believe that for you not to be the next it, you have to put down your fellow sister.

To be a whore, ladies and gentlemen, is to exist as a woman. It is to be unlucky enough to be sooo lucky to have big boobs or a fat ass, it is to have soft skin and a mesmerizing laugh. It is also to dare to breathe around men when you’re obviously nothing but a woman.

To be a whore today is to be free. Free to move, free to think, free to have dreams and chase them. To wear whatever you want as long as you like it. To be a whore is also to love, to care, to have sexual desires just like everyone else in this world. It is to be you, fully, without restrictions, to live life like it enchants you, at your pace and energy.

If there’s something that life has taught me is that I love being a whore. I love not wearing bras to be more comfortable, I love debating with men twice my age and winning, I love expressing and educating myself. I love taking up space in a world that tells me to shrink.

So, my loves, I urge you to be whores.

1. Pure Bullshit