Where dreams go to die

Imagine not being able to sleep. Your body refuses to acknowledge its desperate need for rest. Your eyes, stubborn and unyielding, won’t close, even after the day has drained every ounce of energy from you. You had looked forward to drifting off, letting sleep steal your pain for a little while. But not yet—it’s not your time.

You lie awake, scrolling endlessly on your phone, admiring strangers living their lives. You refresh your messages, hoping someone might have written to you. They haven’t. Even if they had, you’d ignore them—you’re not in the mood to force a smile or feign interest. Instead, you let yourself sink deeper into this quiet void, your mind wandering where your body cannot go.

You slip on your headphones, find a playlist with an odd name and let the music guide you. The first song takes you to a warm vacation spot. You’re getting ready to dine at a chic restaurant with your best friend, your matching outfits glowing against freshly tanned skin. The next track sweeps you onto a gondola in Venice. The wind teases your hair, your red lipstick is flawless, and your smile is genuine. For a moment, your heart feels full.

Then another song begins, and now you’re on a beach at sunset, sitting beside the man you’ve always dreamed of. He’s kind, sweet and a bit nerdy. You’re looking at the sunset admiring the ocean while he looks at you admiring your face and falling in love with your every insecurity. As you both talk about your dream home, the day you met and your favorite moments together, the tension between you becomes almost unbearable. Your faces draw closer, millimeters apart, the heat of his skin brushing against yours—and then the song ends.

An ad plays.

Reality snaps back, harsh and unkind. You’re not in Venice. There’s no vacation, no man, no warm embrace. It’s 1 am, the moon is your only source of light and it’s just you, cold under the bedsheets and nothing else. You were foolish enough to lose yourself in a fantasy, only to come crashing down into a life that feels unbearably real.

You can’t go back to those moments though, this is not a dream and you’re aware of the life you’re living. Matter of fact, you’re now aware of everthing around you, how uncomfortable those shorts are, how your nose is itching and how sad you are.

You try to sleep again, because that last thought cannot be real, you’ve got to find something to hang on before it’s too late.

Your mind races as you toss and turn, the music isn’t taking you on adventures no more. You’re left alone with your thoughts on this boring January night and nothing seems to be going right. Before, it could’ve been easy to shut your eyes and you would start dreaming, for 8 great hours you’d fly, far from where you are, far from what you’re feeling. You were allowed not just to wonder but to dream, to break all mental barriers and live. Insomnia was taking away all of this, as if it were telling you that you weren’t allowed to dream anymore, you must stay in this world, and face it. And that too, makes you sad.

Eventually, exhaustion wins. Around 4 a.m., your eyes finally close. Soon, they’ll open up and it’ll take exactly 5 seconds for you to realize where you are, what happened, and in about 2 more seconds, you’ll feel how abnormally heavy your chest is.

Maybe, you’ll remember these moments and think that they were only nightmares, that now, you’re fine. Maybe you’ll go back to sleep and this time there’ll be someone holding you, you’ll love the life you’re finally living and… Stop, insomnia is still there, lurking in the dark, ready to remind you: you’re not allowed to dream.