The Art of soft bullying

Soft bullying for me started early. Kids back then knew they couldn't hurt me physically or say anything directly because that would make me cry, and teachers would then ask what happened, getting them into trouble. So they learned new techniques—what I call soft bullying. They’d give me weird looks, laugh with each other as I passed by, and ask about things they knew would hurt me, like, “Why do you talk like that?” It was subtle but painful because I couldn't explain why I felt bad; I had no proof.

As we grew older, the bullying didn’t stop; it just became deeper and more hurtful. These teenagers made me feel out of place, like an enigma, a code error, something to be ashamed of. They organized parties, asked for my help but never invited me. They’d talk about boys, always highlighting that no boy would be interested in me—it was obvious!

Being socially accepted is crucial, especially as teenagers. Even if I didn't care about their words anymore, I'd still feel that pinch in my heart when they said them. As Aristotle once said, "Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human." Social acceptance is intrinsic to our well-being.

But the worst part wasn't their words. The worst was when things started to go my way, when I finally accepted myself and refused to take any disrespect. Loving myself was their nightmare. They were uncomfortable with how much I radiated. They couldn't understand why me and not them. How could other people find me… cool? Admitting their mistakes and accepting that the girl they bullied didn’t deserve it was soul-shattering for them. Some recognized their bullshit but never apologized. Instead, they tried to befriend me, to bask in my light. The others… well, they softly killed me through their bullying. Rumors, reputation, stories made by their pure imagination were thrown around like the most genuine stories they’d ever told.

While I slept, my whole life was crafted for me by my bullies. Do you see how everything could go wrong? When I woke up, I hadn’t changed, but in the eyes of many, I had. People didn't look at me the same way; they expected something else. Even in their smiles and laughs, I sensed the lies about me. But I couldn’t do anything about it. Soft bullying is when they put you in a box, making you doubt yourself and crumble under the pressure of their eyes. They set you up to fail. You drown in their lies with a smile because… how can you prove they’re bullying you?

So, have you been soft bullying that girl at the back of your class? Do you feel good giving backhanded compliments, masking cruelty as humor? No one ever admits to being a bully. Heck, they might even deny that the person was ever bullied because, to them, it seemed normal—nobody called them out. Everyone chose to follow that system to avoid becoming the black sheep and facing the same fate. And of course, no one wants to confront their own cruelty; it would shatter their fragile ego. But all that gossiping didn't just hurt the other person; it bruised the gossiper too. Now, they can't form genuine connections because they believe everyone is like them. They become afraid of their own poison.

In the end, it becomes clear that both the victim and the bully are left scarred. Yet, despite this you have the power to rise above the bullying. Realize that their perception of you is nothing but an interpretation.