Tears and Ink: Send Me a Love Letter

Love and I have always been an intricate topic, but I always knew one thing: I was meant to love deeply, to be consumed by its warmth.

To be honest, I hardly know where to begin. I was never taught how to love; I never witnessed a healthy way to express it. I was supposed to be emotionless, the tough, strong one. Oh, how it all changed when my heart started tickling at the sight of another person.

I really cannot tell you if this was true love or some other term people use these days, like limerence, obsession, and everything that doesn’t mean love. All I ever wanted was for someone to hold me in their arms, and I’d be safe, I’d be okay, I wouldn’t need to think of how to escape, I wouldn’t have to think about how their hands felt heavy on my skin, I wouldn’t have to think at all. But it never came.

Say you love me. Tell me how your heart skipped a beat the first time you saw me, how my smile or the scent of my perfume made you dream of it lingering on your pillow. Say you love me, like people did in the past, when every syllable of their declarations was filled with forever. Tell me that, you, a stranger, someone who wasn't obligated to interact with me, loves me—not with the fleeting lust of boys but with a profound, burning love.

It has become funny that even I need love. No one would guess that I long to make something of my heart. It's funny because I never intended for my heart to drown in a pool of love, always giving more than it should. I wanted to be loved the way I love.

I always thought my love language was physical touch, maybe because I dreamt of being embraced, but I soon realized that was never it. I wanted the person I loved to tell me they loved me, not by me reading it in their eyes, not by me studying them and finding it out before them. I want them to deeply burn with love for me. And I want them to tell it to me, not by sending roses and chocolates, but by just saying it, writing it, meaning it.

Send me a love letter. Maybe then I'll believe you. Send me a love letter where you speak of me beautifully. Send me a love letter because your heart can't bear it any longer, because it is eager for me to know how much it cares. Send me a love letter, and maybe then I'll learn how to love properly.